1. Seeking a Story Untold

    It is profound how much more articulate I am in getting my ideas across in writing than I am in speech. I feel at disadvantage when I talk. I often have long pauses in the middle of thoughts and sometimes just trail off into nothingness either because I cannot find the right word or I have no idea where I am going. So, it is a miracle that when I write, the words just seem to flow and are actually parallel to the image in my brain. I think it just goes to show how much time I spent as a child just thinking. I wasn’t one with many words but my imagination went wild, which makes sense in terms of psychology and childhood development. Your communication needs practice in order for you to be in good social standing. However, just as every pro has a con, it works just the same the other way around. I have compensated for the time lost with my tongue with the time spent with my mental processes. And I have enjoyed it. There are many memories that remind me of my younger self loving to be in public places because of how it satisfied the cravings of my ear and how my eyes danced from focus of one detail to another. I loved extracting those tiny pieces of information to combine them into a greater story. I practised reading social cues and could start making calculated guesses of these people’s stories. And it wasn’t judgement. Children don’t think that way. It was an attempt to understand. An attempt to see the reason behind things - things that may have seemed questionable, or more interestingly, the things that seemed to hold no significance at all. It was my way of understanding a stranger’s story untold.

     

  2. Inspired to Write

    I’ve been inspired to write more (as well as catch up on the never ending list of classic novels I missed out on as a child). I think writing is so important because it exercises not only your use of language, but your brain, your creativity, and challenges the root of your heart. Maturity is catalysed by a good understanding of the self, and writing is one of the few things that releases myself to me. This is another reason why I enjoy psychology. So many ideas, theories, and studies test my knowledge of myself as well as my morals or my goodness. Psychology has revealed to me that I am not normal, what with my anxiety issues and very mild but very constant depression. It is a challenge for me to function everyday. Though I’ve come a long, long way, I believe these kinds of sicknesses never leave you. No matter how much you peel it away, there is always a trace, as it is written in your DNA. Therefore, it is a daily fight to keep that rubber band taut or eventually everything will come loose again. So, I may not meet the requirements of a normal human being, yet, what concerns me more is less of what I am programmed or written to be, but rather what I can become and what I can do. Everyone is genetically different and is shaped by their environment in a countless number of ways. Yet we all (or mostly all) have a choice to fight our own legs from walking down their fated path and to, instead, choose our own - to choose what is good. I choose to walk in the path of Jesus and I am not going to lie; it is a struggle. I prevent myself from getting closer and devoting more. I am my sole enemy. Even as I write this, I write not for the single purpose of exercising. It is a lie to give myself an excuse not to read and write about God. How sneaky am I? I feel as though this whole inspiration to write was His means of helping me to be strong - to choose the better things, because once I stop writing about myself, I am going to read about God and write about God. Interesting isn’t it?